Shepherding a Child's Heart Recap

This week we finished our classes on Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp. We spend Sunday discussing the things God has taught us through the discussions, and God has been great in opening our eyes to things He was wanting us to know. We have become aware of the importance of our kid's hearts over their behavior. We have learned that we have been authority by God to parent our children, and that they are under a blessing as they stay under our authority. And, we have started to come to grips with a proper role of disciplining or punishing our children. I heard Pastor Alan say that disciplining is also an opportunity to bless, which I think is what Tripp would also say with three chapter on communication and one on the rod.

I will end with an observation from Sara, which I will paraphrase because I do not remember it word for word. She mentioned that she came to realization that one of the main problems in our nation is people do not know how to be under authority. Parents are not teaching this to their children, and so they do not give it while in school. Finally, when these children grow up they do not know how to give it to their bosses. If there are blessings for us when we are under authority, when a nation of people refuse to be under authority, we are in danger.

If you want to go back to look at what we have talked about, I have listed each of the notes below. You can also select the Shepherding a Child's Heart label to the right to find each of the blog entries for this topic. We will start back up on January 11th with a brand new topic.

Get the class notes

• Introduction to Shepherding a Child's Heart
• The Heart of the Behavior
• Shaping Influences for Children
• Godward Orientation
• You're in Charge
• Unbiblical Parenting Goals
• Unbiblical Parenting Methods
• Parenting Communication part 1
• Parenting Communication part 2
• Disciplining Children
• Parenting Fundamentals
• How to Discipline Toddlers

How to Discipline Toddlers

This chapter was the culmination of all these weeks. We waded through the theory and personalized some ideas, but this was the how-to for us specifically. We have preschoolers, so how do we put this into practice? I posted the notes on how to discipline toddlers from Sunday's small group.

The idea of allowing our toddlers to appeal things we asked them was very helpful. Here are the rules of the appeal process he gave.

1. The appeal must be respectful (no whining)
2. They must prepared to obey whatever is decided
3. They must accept decision with happy heart
4. It is not a place to challenge parent.

What is the Purpose of Having Kids?

I had high hopes for this week. Unfortuantely with Elizabeth taking up a fever, I decided to allow Allison keep her weekend by staying at home. Before I start receiving the medals of honor, I will say that Elizabeth slept pretty much all morning.

I had high hopes for this week because I felt the questions were good at setting right fundamentals for parenting. The Parenting Fundamentals' notes are online for others who missed the class. If the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, and since children are a blessing from the Lord, then our kids have been given to us by God to help us glorify God and enjoy Him more. God has given us children to draw us to Himself.

This is actually a truth about everything that happens to you if you believe Romans 8:28, but the special nature of children are a calling and a present. They are an overflow of the love we possess for our spouse. They are a gift of healing and joy and cause greater levels of trust in God than you ever dreamed needed.

Disciplining Children

We finally broke ground on the contraversial topic of disciplining your kids. We need to be aware that there is more to play with bad behavior then mere obedience. There is a battle for our kids's souls, and the wages of sin is death. We must address it. The Scriptures say that he who withholds discipline, hates their child. It must be done!

When? How? These are the real questions. We need to remember the context of the whole book. We are shepherding our children, and most of it takes place in the context of communication. Whatever methods you decide on with regards to disciplining, you need to keep this in mind. Does your kid know what he/she did wrong? Are they brought back into relationship with you immediately? You goal is not to increase the distance between you, but to bring them back in line with the blessings and protection God has set up. Parenting would be a blast if were not for the sin in our children's lives (or in our lives for that matter). We have the notes for Disciplining Children up for your reference.

image coutesy of Energizer

Invite Jesus In

I have been holding this for about a week to make sure I had permission to post. Mandy provided these comments from a Ransomed Heart reading that we have referred to many times already in this blog. This one is from November 11th (at bottom). The class she is referring to is the Goals of Parenting Communication Part 1 about Jesus talking to the Samaritan woman.

I just had some thoughts about today's reading and wanted to share them. I've not read 'Captivating' yet (it's half price this week at Family Christian and I picked it up while waiting for Michael at the doctor, but haven't gotten to it yet), but reading this passage made me think about how most people have that one room in their house that when company comes, they quickly run and shut the door. Do you know what I mean? Like a 'catch all' kind of room that you keep meaning to clean out, but can never find the time or the things in the room just don't have a home and are hard to find a home for? I was just thinking that if our hearts were our homes and we invite Jesus in, but then shut off that one place, that room, where we've been hurt too badly, are we taking full advantage of the gift our houseguest has brought to us. And then I got to thinking about the passage of scripture we discussed Sunday in POPs about the Samaritan woman at the well. Jesus allowed her the opportunity to invite him in, and hinted at 'hey, what's behind that closed door' with the comment to bring her husband. She quickly dismissed him saying, 'nothing', and yet He still knew what was there and let her know that He knew and that it was still okay. I hope this makes some sense. It just got me thinking that Jesus already knows what's in that bad place in our heart and He still loves us. It's our choice to let Him come in and help us clean it up. It's His gift to us that we should take full advantage of.

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Invite Him In

11/12/2008

There is a famous passage of Scripture which many people have heard in the context of an invitation to know Christ as Savior. “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in…” (Rev 3:20). He does not force himself upon us. He knocks, and waits for us to ask him in. There is an initial step, the first step of this which we call salvation. We hear Christ knocking and we open our hearts to him as Savior. It is the first turning. But the principle of this “knocking and waiting for permission to come in” remains true well into our Christian life.

You see, we all pretty much handle our brokenness in the same way – we mishandle it. It hurts too much to go there. So we shut the door to that room in our heart and we throw away the key – much like Lord Craven locks the Secret Garden upon the death of his wife, and buries the key. But that does not bring healing. Not at all. It might bring relief – for awhile. But never healing. Usually it orphans the little girl in that room, leaves her to fend for herself. The best thing we can do is to let Jesus come in, open the door and invite him in to find us in those hurting places.

It might come as a surprise that Christ asks our permission to come in and heal, but he is kind, and the door is shut from the inside, and healing never comes against our will. In order to experience his healing we must also give him permission to come in to the places we have so long shut to anyone. Will you let me heal you? He knocks through our loneliness. He knocks through our sorrows. He knocks through events that feel too close to what happened to us when we were young – a betrayal, a rejection, a word is spoken, a relationship is lost. He knocks through many things, waiting for us to give him permission to enter in.

(Captivating, 99-100)

Tools of Communication in Parenting

picture courtesy of Mike Mebane

Communication is one of the best skills we can give our children. Through communication children can express their emotions, desires, and fears. Without developed communication skills, children tend to get frustrated not getting want they want or need because they are not able to relay that information on to others. Many adults are deficient in this skill as well even though it is desperately needed in every relationship (marital, workal?, social, and parental).

We are also teaching our children how to understand the desires of their hearts and help them understand what is going on inside of them. This will help them know how God made them, understand their giftings, and be aware of things to ask God for in prayer.

Finally, through communication we are building a lasting relationship with our children. They learn that they can discuss issues with us and will be willing to continue to bring things to us later in life when a majority of children isolate themselves from their parents. This obviously developes our children's view of God, as a Heavenly Father who longs to be in communication with His children.

Here are the notes for the second part of Parenting Communication.

Goals of Communication in Parenting

First of all, I should mention the choice of image since I did not bring it up in class. To me this is a classic image of parent-child quality time. Unlike Michael, I do not have nice memories of fishing. And, unlike the Becks, I do not live in Mayberry. Still I appreciate the image of father and son spending the day together. Developing communication with our children will take time and effort. We will need to give them undivided attention at times, so they can get to the level of opening up to us.

This week we started on what Tripp describes as the biblical methods of parenting (notes to parenting communication). Communication is very important to parenting because it opens the door to the relationship involved. This where the child learns the unconditional love and where lies and shame can be dealt with as we address bad behavior. Tripp laid out some great questions to consider when we identify areas of correction in our children.

Questions to think through in correction:

I. What is the specific content of the abundance of the heart in this circumstance? II. What was the temptation? III. What was my child trying to accomplish? IV. What was his/her response to that temptation?

On a side note, since Pastor Alan decided to build upon our class from last week, he also answered the question about how to raise children of promise. Some parents try to raise their children to achieve their goals their own way. Christians generally tend to try to raise children to achieve God's goals their own way. But in order to raise children of the promise, we should strive to achieve God's goals, God's way. Easy enough. :)

Image courtesy of Wikipedia

Defining Unbiblical Parenting Methods

This week we went over Chapters 7 of Shepharding a Child's Heart, which was about Unbiblical Parenting Methods. I found this was a great discussion of how we resort to the methods of the world around us to help us parent our children in the ways of God. The key to the chapter is the same as the last discussion in that the methods listed are not in themselves bad; it is just that they are not the sole methods. If we are trying to get at our children's hearts, then we will need nethods that address the heart.

So, how do we raise children of promise? How do we shepherd a child's heart? We will need God's direction in order to draw it out. Allow God to direct us to which method to use when. The next four chapters will elaborate on some helpful tools - great tools. But, ultimately we will need God to direct our parenting. Thankfully He loves us and our children enough to gladly help!

Image courtesy of Dennis the Menace

Surfacing Unbiblical Goals of Parenting

This week we went over Chapters 5-6 of Shepharding a Child's Heart, which were about Unbiblical Goals. We all have goals for our children even if we cannot fully articulate what they are. Generally these goals are whatever we define for success in our own lives. How do you know if you are successful? Do you need a lot of money, plenty of friends, a few diplomas on the wall? Our kids will pick up on this and more than likely pick up the same measures of success.

As Christians our ulitmate goal should be to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. God has created your children for a specific plan in His kingdom, so we need to prepare them for success in whatever God's role is.

The next couple weeks we have asked each couple to come up with a specific goal for their children. Allison mentioned possibly coming up with anacronym using your last name. Whatever you do, make it personalize for your family, and let's help our kids succeed for eternity.

Image courtesy of Despair, Inc.

You're In Charge

For some parents this list is their only measure of success, but we need to remember we are called to a higher standard. God has given us authority to parent out children; He has placed us in charge. Because we are in charge we have a responsiblity under God to lead our children into holiness and righteousness for their own good. When we shirk our responsibility or discipline our children to make them more compliant to our desires we mismanage this most important resource God has given us for out joy and our own healing. Today we got in a great discussion not about how to discipline our kids, but about keeping our own attitudes as not to interfere with our children responding to God. I have posted the notes for You Are In Charge for those who may have missed the class.

Tedd Tripp in Winston Salem

As I mentioned in class today, Tedd Tripp will be in Winston Salem this coming weekend, October 24th - 25th. He will be giving a conference a Twin City Baptist Church on Ebert Street off of Silas Creek Parkway. The conference costs $30 per person and $50 per couple. Friday evening will be going over the background of the book, and Saturday will talk about shepherding your child at different age stages. I am sure it will be good if you have time to go.

Building Anticipation for Next Class

I'm guessing due to Tony's comment last week, everybody stayed home to catch up on reading Shepherding a Child's Heart. Yeah, it was a strange week, but I am hoping nobody had the stomach bug that was in our family last week. Blah.

So class entailed the Sauls and us. Here are some comments from our time together...

"I never knew this room echoed. Hello!" - Kevin

"Seriously, if I eat another bagel, I'll explode. You'll just have to take them home." - Justin

"So then, tell me about your life." - Allison

Colleen Cahill Photography

Suffice it to say, we skipped the lesson for the week, but we do have the notes for Chapter 4: You're In Charge posted if you want to get a head start for next week.

One thing we did talk about was how Shepherding a Child's heart speaks to our relationship with God. The whole idea about the importance of our children's hearts are just as important about our own heart.

God is in love with you. He wants your heart just as much as He wants your kids. Our behavior is an overflow of our heart. Therefore whatever we do, even sin, it is all an invitation to explore our hearts to give more of it to God. The more we understand our hearts, the more we can coonect with God. "Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart" Psalm 37:4

Godward Orientation

Just as this is baby giraffe is aware of his mother's presence and protection, we want our children to be aware of God's. Every child is going to worship something, whether it is us as parents, themselves, princesses, toy trains, or God. Our goal is to point them to know their ultimate source of protection and life.

We do this by the shaping influences we put in their lives (going to church, teaching songs, praying before bed), and we do this by modeling it in our own lives, which technically is still a shaping influence. We are not going to be able to make this happen for our children, but through prayer, consistency, and God, our children will gain a deep love of God.

You might have thought that I tipped Pastor Alan in order to get his sermons to coincide with the last couple classes. Today's sermon was perfectly aligned to today's class. When our children have a correct Godward Orientation they will know that they are blessed. When they know they are blessed, they are free to be who they were created to be. When the live out of who God created them to be, they will be successful. If you missed today's sermon, go to "The Secret of a Fruitful Life" (removed - go to Reynolda Church's online sermons for most recent sermons). My guess is that next week's sermon will not follow the chapter as closely as we start to dive into discipline.

We had some great discussion and examples about how this can play out. While we might not all lead our children to take fishing trips with Jesus, this is a wonderful example of bringing a relationship with Jesus to your child's life. They get to experience that Jesus is not just a character in a story, but He is available all the time. Here are the notes for this chapter's class: Godward Orientation.

Here are each week's topics:

• Week 1: Introduction to Shepherding a Child's Heart
• Week 2: Chapter 1: The Heart of the Behavior
• Week 3: Chapter 2: Shaping Influences
• Week 4: Chapter 3: Godward Orientation

Interpreting Shaping Influences

Chapter 2 of Shepharding a Child's Heart speaks of the shaping influences in our kid's loves. Most parents spend a majority of their time focusing on this aspect of parenting. Some of the things listed were: family history, roles and values. But, things happen to our children all the time that shapes who they are. And, it is how they interpret them that define who they become.

You can go here to check out the notes for Shaping Influences. We ended up spending the majority of the class on allowing Jesus to interpret the influences for our children. God's wisdom does not make sense for man. The first shall be last. We find life by dying to self. And, something about a camel making it through an eye of a needle and the rich entering heaven. God's ways are not like our ways, so we need to have Him interpret life because we are bound to get it wrong by ourselves.

Next week the chapter talks on Godward orientation which plays into this very well. Pastor Alan's sermon today also related very well to both topics. There is a link to the right that has his most recent sermons, but if you want to go directly here is Reynolda Church's online sermons. Today's message should be up by mid-week.

The Heart of Behavior

This week we talked about the main point of the book - the heart. Jesus made it clear that when He came he did not come to demolish the law, but make it harder. Okay, not really. But when you look at how He defined the law you might come to that conclusion. The law says do not commit murder, but I say... The law say do not commit adultery, but I say... Jesus wants us to know that it is not a matter of just doing the right things, but He wants our hearts.

As parents we so easily get sidetracked with our kid's behavior instead of heart issues. The discussion this past week was centered on what this really looks like. Be sure to check out the notes of this chapter: The Heart of the Behavior.

And, We Have Begun!

Hey everybody, we had a good class. It was nice to meet everyone. For those that did not attend, we setup what the class would entail and handed out books. Here is the handout we used for our introductory class. Next week we will start discussing "Shepherding a Child's Heart" looking at chapter 1. Again, the book is supplemental information, if you do not have the book or did not find time to read, you will not be left behind. Things that we found out from this past Sunday...

What a haberdasher is. We have one in the class. Other famous haberdashers include Johnny Carson and Harry Truman.

Wiggles seems to be most of our kids favorite show.

Everyone desired to meet other parents of preschoolers to share experiences, to meet others at Reynolda, and to potentially make new friends. To this end we have started discussion of a chili cookout for families and kids at Mike and Lisa's home. More to come on this later.

Allison and I are looking forward to getting to know everyone better. And, for those who did not make it last week, there is still time to join.