I Wouldn't Change a Thing - Bill Bright Tribute

The last video made go search for this one. Dr. Birght has been a great influence on our lives, and I love him for the example he left. He loved God, and he wanted others to know that love. He taught me about faith (having it and sharing it), basic principles of the Christian life, the importance of passing this on to others, and the benefits of fasting. These are just a quick overview of his impact on me. I cannot watch this video without being inspired and grateful at the same time. Enjoy.

Give Me Jesus - Ruth Graham Tribute

I really just want to share this because it is beautiful, but I can stretch it to relate as I am sure we all would like to be honored by our children this way in the end. Love begets love. Knowing that we are loved fills us to fill others with love.

Join in the Celebration

NOTE: Please fill out the class survey by next week.

Celebration can be a shame killer. Celebrating and inviting someone into celebration opens them up to receive the truth that they are valuable. When honor displaces dishonor, shame loses it foothold. We need to join in the celebration (notes attached).

Shame-based families do not celebrate. They have a hard time giving value to thing for what they are. Children of these families then have a hard time entering into the celebration themselves. Birthdays, songs, and even just sending time with kids are great ways to celebrate them for who they are. As we discussed last fall, the more time in with our kids we have the less time out they will need.

image courtesy of Bent Objects

This may come as a surprise to you: Christianity is not an invitation to become a moral person. It is not a program for getting us in line or for reforming society. It has a powerful effect upon our lives, but when transformation comes, it is always the aftereffect of something else, something at the level of our hearts. And so at its core, Christianity begins with an invitation to desire.

John Eldredge - Desire, page 35

Why Did Jesus Come?

I was reading John 3 again this week, and I came across one of the most familiar verses in the Bible, John 3:16. As I read it again I reminded about our conversation on Sunday regarding guilt vs. conviction. This shows why Jesus was sent into the world. Jesus came to save not condemn. His desire for us is healing not harm - life not death. When the words enter our mind of guilt and shame, we can know that beyond a shadow of a doubt they are from the enemy. Cry out to God and take back the hope that you have in Christ!

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." -
John 3:16-17

The Difference Between Guilt and Conviction

What is the difference between guilt and conviction? The simple definition we addressed is guilt leads to death and conviction leads to life. The longer discussion centered around the source of the two. Guilt is the voice of the enemy, and conviction is the voice of the Holy Spirit. The class notes for Guilt vs. Conviction are posted.

How do we differentiate between the voice of the enemy and the voice of God? The more we know the character of God; the more we will know His voice. God loves us. God is for us. God believes in us. God will lead us to hope and life. (If you doubt any of this read Romans 8 multiple times.)

How do you address the voices? God's voice - embrace freely; Enemy's voice - reject boldly. Here is a scenerio that happens in every home. Your spouse says something and you take it the wrong way. You get mad. The voice of the enemy starts feeding you lies - "Your spouse is always getting on you about this. It's like he/she thinks you do nothing. He/she has no respect for you and what you do."

The first time you hear this you can come out pretty quickly knowing that they are lies. BUT, if you do not expose them as lies, you are vulnerable to when your spouse makes a similar statement later that makes the lies feel true again. Over time the lies sound more true than the truth. Therefore when we experience the lies, we need to go with love to our spouse and say when you said this, these were the lies I heard... This may be a tough conversation, but the unexposed lies will cause separation and God calls us to intimacy.

Applying this to our kids. If we as adults have trouble exposing the lies even when we know them to be lies, imagine how hard it is for our children who need to be lead through this process. The enemy will try to steal truth from our kids just as he tries to steal it from us. We must open the doors of conversation with them so we can expose the lies and replace them with the truth about our love for them.

Help Get Shame Off This Kid - part 2

This was a great discussion because it took some of the theories we have been discussing and forced us to try to get practical. Before I recap our discussion, let me reiterate this discussion was not suggesting that this mom did anything wrong. As an outsider I do not know the full range of what was going on with this kid. This was merely an example to stretch our thinking in how to pull shame off our children.

With this said this boy was definitely experiencing shame, so how as a parent can we address it without adding more shame. For this example, some suggestions were:

1. If our son said he was accused of something he did not do, then probe further to ask why he was wandering off ashamed when he had done nothing. Engage him in discussion and not allowing it to be glossed over.
2. Go towards our son in love. Do not allow him to walk around to wait for him to come back. Let him know that you will not let distance last within your relationship.
3. Go to the man who accused him to find out his story. Allow the truth to be exposed so that no doubt of lies remain. This would not be to correctly punish your child, but instead to not let lies linger that if you knew what really happened you would not love him. Correct the child in love
4. Get the brother since he threw his brother under the bus. Allow him to tell his side of the story. Again the idea would be to uncover the truth not to punish but discipline in love.

With life there are no correct answer that works for every circumstance, but these were some great ideas of how to move toward your child in love without increasing his shame.

Help Get the Shame Off This Kid

Allison and I were at the park with the kids recently. As I was following Rachel around I overhead two boys shouting profanity to each other. Neither was being malicious, but of course, I did not want Rachel exposed to it. I spoke to both boys to have them stop as little kids were around. They both stopped.

Later I noticed that one of the boys was sitting at the side of the playground obviously upset. His mother asked him what's wrong which he then just walked away from the playground towards the field. She called for him to come back, but he just continued to get further away.

The boy had felt shamed. He wanted to remove himself from the situation, and his mom's calling to him made him feel more exposed.

After a long while the boy came back to the playground and went to his mom. He told his mom that he was upset because a man had accused him of saying bad words when it was his brother. His mom said it was ok, but his brother should not have been using those words. He felt better then went around playing with the other boys pretending to kill everyone on the playground.

The boy had found a way to come back towards others, save face, and not address the root issues.

If you were the mom, given time to think it through, how would you pull the darkness from your son in this situation?

Please provide your answer in the comments. There is no right answer. I am not sure what I would have done, but this boy has a shame issue and as the pretend parent in this scenerio let's get the shame off him! We will start the class off Sunday with this question.

Discussion continued on next post!